Bereavement Resources
Resources on this page:
SUGGESTED READINGS FOR PARENTS
- Selections written by bereaved parents
- Spiritual selections
- Practical Guides to Grief
SUGGESTED READINGS FOR TEENS
SUGGESTED READINGS FOR CHILDREN
SUGGESTED WEBSITES
SUGGESTED READINGS FOR PARENTS*
Selections written by bereaved parents:
1. When The Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter
By,Judith R. Bernstein, Ph. D.
Synopsis
Speaking from the dual perspectives of bereaved parent and psychologist, Judith Bernstein presents a breakthrough concept of mourning, documenting the process from initial grief to an altered outlook on life. Excerpts from interviews with 50 parents who lost a child, from five to 45, trace the road from devastation to healing, resulting in a work that is a tribute to resilience and the indomitable human spirit.
2. Beyond Tears – Living After Losing A Child
By, Ellen Mitchell
Synopsis (copyright 2005 - Reed Business Information)
Having lost a child, nine mothers met in a support group; now, under the direction of Newsday contributor Mitchell, they share what has helped them get up every morning and move through their grief. They discuss how relationships can be strained, why there simply is no answer to the question "why?” and what they do when a longtime acquaintance crosses the street to avoid talking to them. A chapter devoted to fathers reveals how they grieve differently than mothers. The thoughts and feelings related here are incredibly honest and courageous and would greatly assist any parent who has lost a child and feels alone.
3. How to Survive the Loss of a Child
By, Dr. Catherine M. Sanders
Synopsis
In How to Survive the Loss of a Child, Dr. Sanders, a bereaved parent herself, offers grieving parents practical help and emotional support. This book also helps family members, friends, and caregivers relate to grieving parents and aids them, too, in understanding the process of healing through grief.
— Nancy Ulmer, bereaved parent, Kindermourn, Charlotte, North Carolina It is only through experiencing grief that bereaved parents ultimately heal. Moving through the phases of grief, the bereaved person works toward restoration. Understanding these phases, knowing what to expect, and learning what they can do to help themselves give parents greater assurance and comfort.
4. After the Death of a Child: Living with Loss through the Years
By, Anne Finkbeiner
Synopsis
After a child dies, the parent's world changes entirely. Years later, this new world has changed the parents. The exact nature of this change--the long-term effects of the death--illuminates the nature of the bond betweenparents and children.
Ann Finkbeiner lost her son in a train accident when he was 18. Several years later, she noticed she was feeling better and wondered whether this feeling was what was meant by "recovery." As a science writer, she read the psychological, sociological, and psychiatric research into parental bereavement. And as a bereaved parent, she asked hard questions of thirty parents whose child had died at least five years before, of all causes and at all ages.
In this book, Finkbeiner combines the research and the parents' answers into a description of the parents' new lives. The parents talk about their changed marriages and their changed relationships with their other children, with their friends and relatives. They talk about their attempts to make sense of the death and about their drastically changed priorities. And most important, they talk about how they still love their children, how the child seems to see through their eyes and live through their actions. They move on through their grief, they get on with their lives, but they never let go of their children. Their wisdom is presented here to all who are in need of it.
5. A Grace Disguised, How A Soul Grows Through Loss
By, Jerry Sittser
Synopsis
Jerry Sittser is no stranger to loss, having suffered the devastating loss of his mother, his wife, and his daughter in a tragic car accident. In his book, A Grace Disguised, How A Soul Grows Through Loss, Sittser plumbs the depths of our sorrows, whether due to illness, divorce, or the loss of someone we love. In coming to the end of ourselves, we can come to the beginning of a new life.
6. When Bad Things Happen To Good People
By, Harold S. Kushner
Synopsis
As a Young Theology Student, Harold Kushner puzzled over the Book of Job. As a small-town rabbi he counseled other people through pain and grief. But not until he learned that his three-year-old son, Aaron, would die in his early teens of a rare disease did he confront one of life's most difficult questions: Where do we find the resources to cope when tragedy strikes?
"I knew that one day I would write this book," says Rabbi Kushner. "I would write it out of my own need to put into words some of the most important things I have come to believe and know. And I would write it to help other people who might one day find themselves in a similar predicament. I am fundamentally a religious man who has been hurt by life, and I wanted to write a book that could be given to the person who has been hurt by life, and who knows in his heart that if there is justice in the world, he deserved better... If you are such a person, if you want to believe in God's goodness and fairness but find it hard because of the things that have happened to you and to people you care about, and if this book helps you do that, then I will have succeeded in distilling some blessing out of Aaron's pain and tears."
7. Into the Valley and Out Again- The Story of a Father’s Journey
By, Richard Edler
Synopsis
1. When Bad Things Happen To Good People
By, Harold S. Kushner
Synopsis
As a Young Theology Student, Harold Kushner puzzled over the Book of Job. As a small-town rabbi he counseled other people through pain and grief. But not until he learned that his three-year-old son, Aaron, would die in his early teens of a rare disease did he confront one of life's most difficult questions: Where do we find the resources to cope when tragedy strikes?
"I knew that one day I would write this book," says Rabbi Kushner. "I would write it out of my own need to put into words some of the most important things I have come to believe and know. And I would write it to help other people who might one day find themselves in a similar predicament. I am fundamentally a religious man who has been hurt by life, and I wanted to write a book that could be given to the person who has been hurt by life, and who knows in his heart that if there is justice in the world, he deserved better... If you are such a person, if you want to believe in God's goodness and fairness but find it hard because of the things that have happened to you and to people you care about, and if this book helps you do that, then I will have succeeded in distilling some blessing out of Aaron's pain and tears."
2. A Grace Disguised, How A Soul Grows Through Loss
By, Jerry Sittser
Synopsis
Jerry Sittser is no stranger to loss, having suffered the devastating loss of his mother, his wife, and his daughter in a tragic car accident. In his book, A Grace Disguised, How A Soul Grows Through Loss, Sittser plumbs the depths of our sorrows, whether due to illness, divorce, or the loss of someone we love. In coming to the end of ourselves, we can come to the beginning of a new life.
3. A Broken Heart Still Beats
By, Anne McCracken and Mary Semel (Editor)
Synopsis
Raymond Carver, William Shakespeare, Jill Ker Conway, Judith Guest, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, and Albert Camus are among many writers who explore the searing shock, grief, and relentless search to find meaning in the death of one's child.
This unique anthology brings loss and grief into the light and creates an avenue for catharsis and healing. A rich demonstration of how literature serves as the vehicle through which we can explore what we fear -- and grasp universal threads of experience and resolution that bind us together and lead us toward the wisdom that heals.
4. A Grief Observed
By, C.S. Lewis
Synopsis
In this classic trial of faith, C. S. Lewis probes the fundamental issues of life and death, and summons those who grieve to honest mourning and hope in the midst of loss.
5. Where is God When It Hurts?
By, Philip Yancy
Synopsis
This perennial bestseller now includes a discussion guide. The book and study materials focus on the role of pain in God's plan for life and how we can respond to it.
6. Life After Death
By, Raymond Moody, Jr. M.D.
Synopsis
In Life After Life Raymond Moody investigates more than one hundred case studies of people who experienced "clinical death" and were subsequently revived. First published in 1975, this classic exploration of life after death started a revolution in popular attitudes about the afterlife and established Dr. Moody as the world's leading authority in the field of near-death experiences. Life after Life forever changed the way we understand both death -- and life -- selling millions of copies to a world hungry for a greater understanding of this mysterious phenomenon. The extraordinary stories presented here provide evidence that there is life after physical death, as Moody recounts the testimonies of those who have been to the "other side" and back -- all bearing striking similarities of an overwhelming positive nature. These moving and inspiring accounts give us a glimpse of the peace and unconditional love that await us all.
7. The Road Less Traveled
By, M. Scott Peck
Synopsis
Written in a voice that is timeless in its message of understanding, The Road Less Traveled continues to enable us to explore the nature of loving relationships and leads us toward a new serenity and fullness of life. It helps us determine how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become a more sensitive parent; and ultimately how to become one's own true self.
8. Unattended Sorrow – Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart
By, Stephen Levine
Synopsis
Unattended sorrow is unresolved grief that has never been given a chance to heal. This lovely, spiritual book from one of the nation’s most trusted grief counselors offers a series of techniques to help heal this pain so readers can lead full and joyful lives. The book not only guides those who have experienced a fresh loss to face the hurt before it settles in, but it also addresses the devastating impact of tragedies past, when people become "stuck" years after childhood abuse, teen rape, early divorce, or loss of a loved one.
9. Finding Hope When A Child Dies: What Other Cultures Can Teach Us
By, Sukie Miller Ph.D.
Synopsis
The death of a child is an overwhelming loss. "Why did my child die?" and "Is my child suffering now?" are questions that all people, of all cultures and backgrounds, ask. But characteristic of Western culture is a limited language for expressing grief, and a consuming guilt that undermines the recovery process. Dr. Sukie Miller, author of the landmark work After Death, turns to the beliefs and healing stories of other cultures to present a unique perspective that is both surprising and comforting. Sharing her research with a compassionate and grounded voice, she offers hope to those seeking meaning in what seems senseless, and heartening possibilities for returning to wholeness, even if we feel life cannot ever be the same.
10. A Journey Through Grief: Reflections on Healing
By, Alan Wolfelt
Synopsis
This spiritual companion for mourners affirms their need to mourn and invites them to journey through their very unique and personal grief. Detailed are the six needs that all mourners must yield to and eventually embrace if they are to go on to find continued meaning in life and living, including the need to remember the deceased loved one and the need for support from others. Short explanations of each mourning need are followed by brief, spiritual passages that, when read slowly and reflectively, help mourners work through their unique thoughts and feelings.
11. Into the Valley and Out Again- The Story of a Father’s Journey
By, Richard Edler
Synopsis
After the unexpected death of his son, Rich’s life seemed to stop. The next few years were spent climbing out of the bottom of the valley he had not known existed before. It is a story about what is important in life, sorrow, faith, acceptance, and rebirth.
1. Understanding Grief: Helping Yourself to Heal
By, Alan Wolfelt
Synopsis
This classic resource helps guide the bereaved person through the loss of a loved one, and provides an opportunity to learn to live with and work through the personal grief process.
2. The Grief Recovery Handbook
By, John James and Russell Friedman
Synopsis
Incomplete recovery from grief can have a lifelong negative effect on your capacity for happiness. Drawing from their own histories, as well as from others, the authors illustrate what grief is and how it is possible to recover and regain energy and spontaneity. Based on a proven program, now extensively revised, The Grief Recovery Handbook offers grievers the specific actions needed to complete the grieving process and accept loss. For those ready to regain a sense of aliveness, the principles outlined here make this a life-changing handbook.
3. Grieving: How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies.
By, Therese Rando Ph.D.
Synopsis
Mourning the death of a loved one is a process all of us will go through at one time or another. But wherever the death is sudden or anticipated, few of us are prepared for it or for the grief it brings. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each person's response to loss will be different. Now, in this compassionate, comprehensive guide, Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., bereavement specialist and author of Loss And Anticipatory Grief, leads you gently through the painful but necessary process of grieving and helps you find the best way for yourself.
Whether the death was sudden or expected, from accident, illness, suicide, homicide, or natural causes, Dr. Rando will help you learn to:
Get through holidays and other difficult times of the year.
There is no way around the pain of loss, but there is a way through it. Dr. Rando offers the solace, comfort, and guidance to help you accept your loss and move into your new life without forgetting about your treasured past.
4. The Worst Loss – How Families Heal from the Death of a Child
By, Barbara D. Rosof
Synopsis
The death of a child is like no other loss. The Worst Loss will help families who have experienced this to know what they are facing, understand what they are feeling, and appreciate their own needs and timetables.
5. Parental Loss of a Child
By, Therese A. Rando PH.D.
Synopsis
This comprehensive book is designed to help all caregivers understand and address the difficulties and complex issues associated with the loss of a child. It contains 37 chapters that identify specific clinical interventions and support procedures that are appropriate for helping bereaved parents.
SUGGESTED READINGS FOR TEENS*
1. Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers – How to cope with Losing Someone You Love
By, Earl A. Grollman
Synopsis
Explains what to expect when you lose some you love. Discusses normal reactions, how grief can affect your relationships with your family and friends, how participating in the funeral can help, and how you can work through your grief and begin to live again.
2. The Grieving Teen – A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends
By, Helen Fitzgerald
Synopsis
In this unique and compassionate guide, renowned grief counselor Helen Fitzgerald turns her attention to the special needs of adolescents struggling with loss and gives them the tools they need to work through their pain and grief.
3. I Will Remember You: A Guidebook Through Grief for Teens
4. Helping Teens Cope With Death
The Dougy Center, a Center for Grieving Children
Synopsis
Learn how a death of a loved one can impact a teen and how to help. Explains common grief reactions of teenagers, specific challenges grieving teens face, when to seek professional help, and advice from other parents.
5. Healing A Teen’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas
By, Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Synopsis
Offers 100 practical, realistic ideas and teen-friendly suggestions. It’s simple, easy to use format makes it an ideal resource for teenagers coping with grief.
6. Fire In My Heart, Ice In My Veins – A Journal for Teenagers
By, Enid Traisman
Synopsis
Teens can write letters, copy down meaningful lyrics, write songs and poems, tell the person that died what they want them to know, finish business, and use their creativity to work through the grieving process.
1. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf
By, Leo Buscaglia
Synopsis
Originally published in the fall of 1982, the wonderfully wise and strikingly simple story of a leaf named Freddie has become one of the most popular books of our times. How Freddie and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons, finally falling to the ground with a winter's snow, is an inspiring allegory illustrating the delicate balance between life and death.
2. The Next Place
By, Warren Hanson
Synopsis
The Next Place is an inspirational journey of light and hope to a place where earthly hurts are left behind. It is an uncomplicated journey of awe and wonder to a destination without barriers. Lose yourself in the uplifting sense of comfort and serenity. Embrace the joyful spirit of oneness and then pour yourself into the lives of those you love.
3. “Why Do People Die?” – Helping Your Child Understand – with Love and Illustrations
By, Cynthia Mac Gregor
Synopsis
"Why Do People Die?" guides parents through the inevitable questions, emotions, and fears that children associate with death. Written in a friendly, reassuring tone, and with respect for the beliefs of different religions, this book comforts both parents and children.
4. When Someone Dies
By, Sharon Greenlee
Synopsis
Provides guidance and comfort for those recovering from the death of someone they know, offering suggestions for how to survive the grief and remember the good times.
5. Lifetime – The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
By, Brian Mellione and Robert Ingpen
Synopsis
A pet . . . a friend . . . or a relative dies, and it must be explained to a child. This sensitive book is a useful tool in explaining to children that death is a part of life and that, eventually, all living things reach the end of their own special lifetimes.
6. Sad Isn’t Bad – A Good Grief Guidebook
By, Michaelene Mundy
Synopsis
Loaded with positive, life-affirming advice for coping with loss as a child, this guide tells children what they need to know after a loss--that the world is still safe; life is good; and hurting hearts do mend. Written by a school counselor, this book helps comfort children facing the worst and hardest kind of reality.
7. On the Wings of a Butterfly – A Story about Life and Death
By, Dr. Marilyn Maple
Synopsis
This is the gentle story of Lisa, a young child dying of cancer, who finds comfort and support in her friendship with a caterpillar preparing for transformation into a butterfly. Afterward by Earl Grollman
(* Synopses are taken from Barnes and Noble website or book jacket of book.)
SUGGESTED WEBSITES
Embrace Kids Foundation exists to support the non-medical needs of the children and families at The Cancer Institute of New Jersey (CINJ) and the Bristol-Myers Squibb Children’s Hospital at RWJUH, both located on the Robert Wood Johnson medical campus in New Brunswick, NJ. We are committed to enhancing the quality of life of the children and relieving the emotional, spiritual, and financial concerns of the patient families under our care.
Our Bereavement Program is committed to creating a place of healing and hope where parents and surviving siblings can journey together through this maze called “grief”.
The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age and to provide information to help others be supportive.
The Dougy Center provides support in a safe place where children, teens, young adults, and their families grieving a death can share their experiences.
(This site is designed for grieving children and families; offers excellent sibling support for all ages.)
The Grief Watch site was created to provide you with bereavement resources, memorial products and links that can help you through your personal loss. It also serves as an excellent educational tool for all who travel down the road of grief.
The Center for Loss is dedicated to "companioning" grieving people as they mourn transitions and losses that transform their lives. We help both mourners, by walking with them in their unique life journeys, and both professional caregivers and lay people, by serving as an educational resource and professional forum.
Grief Recovery is the Action Program for moving beyond loss. Its purpose is to help each participant grieve and help them complete their relationship to the pain and unfinished business caused by a death, divorce or any other significant emotional loss.
www.centeringcorp.com
The Centering Corporation is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing education and resources for the bereaved.